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Riddle me this, Batman!

Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #1: There are three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no matches. How do they manage to smoke?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #2: What is it that no man wants to have but no man wants to lose?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #3: What has neither flesh, bone, nor nail yet has 4 fingers and a thumb?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #4: How many sides has a circle?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #5: How much dirt is in a hole 3 acres square and 200 feet deep?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #6: What won't run long without winding?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #7: What has branches and leaves and no bark?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #8: The more you take away, the larger it grows. What is it?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Riddle #9: What are the chilliest twelve inches in the world?
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #1: They throw one cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #2: A lawsuit
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #3: A glove
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #4: Two. Inside and outside
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #5: None. It's a hole.
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #6: A river
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #7: A library
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #8: A hole
Favorite Riddler Riddles Answer #9: Cold feet

Perhaps the funniest picture of all time. There are so many different things happening here. The guy getting bunted in the face is just the beginning. Check out the people around him...the stoic man in the black shirt above him, the cherub girl in the pink and white, the disinterested red-headed girl in the front, the scared boy with the soda cup in the upper left, etc, etc. There are just countless funny aspects to this picture.
The caption reads "A bat that slipped out of the hands of Indians catcher Kelly Shoppach terrorized the crowd at Ameriquest Field in Arlington, Texas, on Sept. 3 [2006]. The fan who was struck by the bat (in green T-shirt) suffered a broken rib." A broken rib!?

Funny Jokes Birthday Humor: Smile, It's Somebody's Birthday!

Funny Birthday Saying #1: Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
Funny Birthday Saying #2: Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
Funny Birthday Saying #3: Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

Funny Jokes Joke: 13! 13! 13!

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and I could hear all the patients shouting, '13!....13!....13!' The fence was too high to see over, but there was a little gap in the planks, so I peeked through to see what was going on, and some S.O.B. poked me in the eye with a stick!! Then they all started shouting "14!....14!....14!"

Funny Jokes Joke: The Jack Schitt Story

For some time many of us have
wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
find ourselves at a loss when someone
says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts,
you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married
O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt,
Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins
Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her
parents' objections, Deap Schitt married
Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and
Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and, because her
kids were living with them, she wanted to
keep her previous name. She was then known
as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,
and they produced a son with a rather
nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt
and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the
Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,
Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal
son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa
Schitt.
Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt,"
you can correct them.

Funny Jokes: The Computer Error Joke

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?" The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, " and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T

Funny Jokes Joke: The Biker's One Wish

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she' s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Funny Jokes Joke: Love Story

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next in line and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."

Funny Jokes Joke: It's a Dear

A man kills a deer and takes it home, where his wife cooks it for dinner.
When their little daughter sees the unfamiliar meat, she asks her father what it is.
"Well", says dad, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes."
"Don't eat it!" the little girl screams, "It's an asshole!

Funny Jokes Joke: MIT RSVP

Top scientists were invited to a party at the MIT campus, and this is how they replied (warning! only avid science students will understand every reference):
* Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
* Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
* Darwin waited to see what evolved.
* Descartes said he'd think about it.
* Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
* Edison thought it would be illuminating.
* Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
* Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
* Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
* Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
* Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
* Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
* Newton planned to drop in.
* Ohm resisted the idea.
* Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
* Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
* Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
* Volta was electrified, and Archimedes buoyant at the thought.
* Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
* Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

 

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