Funny Jokes Puns: Old Puns that bring new Groans
“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
“I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,”
Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
DejaMoo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him “Juan.” Year’s later; Juan sends a picture of himself to
His birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her usband responds, “They’re
twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Funny Jokes Joke: Three Kids at Breakfast
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
Funny Jokes Joke: The Ugliest Baby
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Funny newspaper wanted ad about person seeking nemesis.
Funny Jokes Joke: The Genie and the Office Workers
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ' I want those two back in the office after lunch'
Funny Jokes Joke: The Dirty Next Door Neighbor
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom , her husband asks, 'Who was that? '
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Funny Jokes Joke: The Barnyard Animals
A bickering husband and wife were driving through the country when they passed a farm with barnyard animals.
"Relatives of yours?" quipped the husband.
"Yes," retorted the wife, "In-laws!"
Funny Jokes Joke: The Wrong Way Drivers
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 95. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Funny Jokes Joke: Three Old Ladies
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She knocks on the wooden table. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Funny traffic sign teasing motorists, "You will never get to work on time. Ha ha!"